Since the day when I first rented Creep Show 2 from the video store at the age of 12 I've been obsessed with an age I haven't even lived. But that only serves to magnify the mystique of this era long past. I'd gorge in movies like Evil Dead, Karate Kid and Scarface. My eyes would glisten as Bruce Campbell fights the living dead in one of the greatest horror movies of all time, or when Daniel LaRusso makes that final kick in the rising up story that has defined so many lives. The color, the style, the music, the cars, the clothes, the absence of cellphones, twitter and facebook are very befitting of my romantic soul.
The whole sunny day, ice cream aesthetic is fantastic but there's also the fact that the 80's were the horror movie age. Some of the greatest horror movies were made in the 80's. They simply don't make them that way anymore, in fact the best they can do is just to remake these old classics, and for every time they screw it up so momentously a sinlge tear runs down my cheek. The mission is no longer to scare but to shock, the companies spit out these awful films, making they're money off of stupid teenagers who've been led to believe that this is what horror movies entail.
These movies are derivative, ugly, full of stereotypes and just plain stupid. That encompasses about 90% of all horror movies produced today. And they'll continue to be produced because people just don't expect much from horror movies anymore. We are no longer able to sympathize with our protagonist but are rather no short of wanting to see them dead, that, is a huge failure from the movie business. Our protagonists are loudmouthed, unapologetic assholes, who you want to see die. Now take for instance, The Thing, from 84. Not in any part of the movie do you acctually see the whole monster, and our protagonist is an intelligent and likable man. You stay scared throughout, making up these versions in your head of how this horrible creation must look, all the while being scared for our protagonists life. Some things were basically better in the 80's.
Neither can they make parodies like the Naked Gun anymore, or disaster movies like... shit, there's never been any good disaster movies.
Some day I'll build my time machine. Taking Doc 's idea to a whole new level and attaching the flux capacitor to the rear of my skateboard. Hitting the streets of days long past with my Delorean DMC 12 before shooting Rutger Hauer in a nightclub for dancing with my 80's girl, but only after outmanouvering those hoodlum chumps on my nuclear powered skateboard. All in one day's work.
I'll later retire to my cabin up in north country where I would grow a beard and chop wood all day, wear my belt straps so high that my waistline doesn't exist and fight the living dead, human corpses possessed by demons from the lower circles of hell. At the sight of my mighty woodsman's beard they would not stand a chance, rotten flesh would prove no match when I had been cutting north country wood. My skin would no longer be that, but bear more of a resemblance to a tree's bark. I would light up a fire with my north country wood and perhaps read a good book, pontificate on recent events and maybe take a bath in my 80's bath tub. I'd later be shocked that there was no possibilities for cable TV in my Cabin, dumbfounded at how anyone would wanna live without it, I'd grab my skateboard and get the hell out of there. I'd have the time of my life though, if only for a short time.
Oh, and the music was good too.
This DJ set isn't really music from the 80's but at the same time it embodies the era so well for me. Anything the Valerie golden boys Outrunners does is gold, regardless.
The Outrunners - DJ set @ Razzmatazz
No comments:
Post a Comment